• the road to intimacy

  Andrew Kolvet on July 31 2010

  How many times have those  in and around church circles heard the regrettably axiomatic expression, "Christians can be so judgmental"?  If you're anything like me, you have either heard it on repeat for years, or felt it in a very personal way. Often followed by bouts of disabling guilt and self-imposed isolation. 

  The words of Jesus come rushing to mind  (and almost always in the classic and weighty King James version for effect), "Judge not lest ye be so judged!"  Thundering tones from the author of love indeed.  Yet despite this clear mandate, almost all of us are guilty of doing the same to ourselves and to each other at various points along the path of our Christian journeys. 

  Recently life has forced me to become very honest with both myself and my friends in deeper and more vulnerable ways than ever before.  Sure enough, the fear of judgment has been my faithful companion along the way, never fully submitting to my steadfast desire for transparency.  However, as I've broken through the fear, an incredible gift has met me on the other side...friendship. 

  1 John lays it out pretty clearly in verse 7: "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin." And again in verse 9, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." 

  A dear friend of mine and of many who call Basileia their home, Don Williams, once told me a profoundly simple truth.  In short, his point was this: the road to intimacy is self disclosure.  Looking back at my life, I realize now that my dearest friends and closest companions have not been those who admire my achievements, or even those who share my life experience.  Rather, my closest friends have been those with whom I trusted the hardest parts of my life, where I chose transparency instead of fearing judgment. 

  The last six months of my life have opened up a number of these new relationships.  In the midst of some very challenging circumstances, I consider myself wealthier in community than ever before.  And as I look around, I realize that Basileia has played an incredibly important role in fostering the foundation for this new trust and intimacy I enjoy.

  The community of Basileia represents an authentic stop gap to the "cultural drift" of isolation and pretense - words used as synonyms for the city of Angels.  A powerful counterpoint to judgment can often be heard echoing within the walls of our gatherings: "We come together because we can't make it alone."  Every time I hear these words, I am inspired to give more of myself to my friends and fellowship as I learn to be more real and pretend less.  I, for one, am refreshed and encouraged to continue learning what this means alongside a community that really cares for one another and is committed to making "being real" so much less frightening! 

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